By Amber Wood
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June 4, 2023
Pregnancy loss is a profound and deeply emotional experience that can leave a lasting impact on a woman's mind, body, and spirit. The journey of conceiving, nurturing life within, and then losing that precious connection can evoke intense emotional trauma - that’s not always identified as trauma. These experiences have the power to manifest within the body, creating energetic blockages and disrupting the natural flow of life force energy. Here, we will explore the profound impact of emotional trauma on the body after pregnancy loss and delve into transformative ways to release and heal these wounds. I experienced my first miscarriage on Thanksgiving Day 2017. It was the most devastating experience of my life. My husband and I had traveled from Atlanta to Maryland to spend time with his family for the holiday. I was 7 weeks pregnant, this was going to be our first child, and thrilled was an understatement. We made a pit stop along the way when I noticed blood after using the bathroom. It made me nervous, but I made a choice not to worry about it. Miscarriage just wasn’t. on my. radar. We made it to his Aunt’s home, where we were staying, but the bleeding didn’t let up. It continued for the next couple of days and then the cramping began, as I came to the realization that our dream of becoming parents was quickly coming to an end before it even started. And here I was… meeting much of his family for the first time and putting on a happy face to hold this sacred experience close to my heart. I think not being able to retreat and nurture myself during that time made the miscarriage that much more intense. I wanted to be anywhere else, doing anything else except navigating that experience. As the festivities came to a close, I was able to find moments of quietness to process and grieve and come to terms with what happened, but the silence was so loud. Worst of all was witnessing my husband break down. One moment shattered his heart into a million pieces and it destroyed me. When we left Maryland, we left our dreams of becoming parents. We left our hopes for the life and experiences we wanted to share with our baby. We left our identities. Returning home felt lonely. It felt painful and empty. It was isolating. Still grieving the loss of my Father who lost his battle with brain cancer the year prior, our baby’s arrival was the joy we needed; not this ? I just didn’t know what to do. I stood firm in my Christian walk at that time, but was so angry. I couldn’t believe God would allow us to experience this level of suffering. Silly when I think back on it because the Bible is filled with stories of suffering, but sometimes being thrust into your own causes you to forget it’s part of the human experience. However, I knew I needed to stay connected to Source, so I prayed for everyone else. I would ask friends and family how I could pray for them because I couldn’t pray for myself. Then, hello Shame! Because who else had gone through this? I thought, no one else in my immediate family or friend circle so I did the best I could. I got up and went to work the following week, showed up on virtual calls, met with my internal team and clients as if nothing happened because it was entirely too personal to share and I couldn’t imagine being alone with my thoughts for too long. The nights were the toughest. That’s when I allowed myself to feel the raw edges of every emotion. From not being able to sleep to waking up crying and being so lovingly embraced by my husband in those tender moments. Having witnessed the grace with which my Mother grieved the loss of my Father - her partner of 37 years, I knew that allowing myself to feel the emotions was necessary for my healing process and I’ve always wanted to be like my Mama. So there we were… Brokenhearted. Confused. Lost. Angry. Grieving. Yet still hopeful and so so grateful that we had one another. I had a support system of beautifully grounded women who so lovingly pulled me from the depths of my despair with every prayer, scripture, encouraging word, phone call, and text. The lessons are among the things I hold closest to my heart now. I learned the true meaning of sisterhood. I learned who my prayer warriors were. I learned that not only was I stronger than I thought, but that I could be strong and soft at the same time; just like Mama. I learned that my Daddy was closest to me during that time from the spiritual realm. I learned that my husband and I are foundationally equipped to endure anything. I learned that I am so deeply loved by so many people. I learned more about God’s gentle nature and comforting presence. I learned that purpose is so often shrouded in the most devastatingly challenging experiences. I learned that I have been sent to guide and support other Angel Mamas in navigating their experiences with pregnancy loss while also normalizing the conversation around it. So how do we transcend our grief? The first step towards healing is acknowledging the depth of pain caused by your pregnancy loss. It’s so necessary to allow yourself to grieve and honor the emotional impact it has had on your being. Understand that your emotions are valid and natural responses to an extraordinary loss. I knew my emotions were valid and I allowed myself to feel all of them… the painful ones, the embarrassing ones, the shameful ones, the hopeful ones, the shallow ones, the envious ones. Every emotion. I recognize there will be times when allowing your physical response to an emotion felt may not be the most appropriate, but there will also be times when it’s perfectly appropriate and those are the times you must allow yourself freedom of expression. If you don’t and instead choose to suppress your emotions, they’ll bubble to the surface and burst through when you least expect and most likely, an inopportune time. So give yourself permission to feel the feels through the journey. You must practice self-compassion by embracing your journey and giving yourself permission to heal at your own pace. Allow yourself the time and space needed to process your emotions, releasing any guilt or shame that may arise, without judgment of self. You also may feel the need to establish boundaries with those around you who may not fully understand or support your journey or your healing process. I wasn’t able to embrace the journey in those early days because I struggled to accept that this was my reality, but had I known this was part of the process I think it might have been easier to accept. It’s also easy to slip into regrets and guilt, so allow yourself the time necessary to move through your process with all the compassion you need to extend yourself. Understand that healing is unique and individual, and it’s also okay to seek support when needed. Create a sacred space for yourself where you can engage in healing practices. This one was huge for me! I had a place, but I didn’t realize it would become THE place. The place where I came to cry, talk to my Daddy, journal, sit in silence, read, perform healing rituals, meditate, move my body and pray. It could be a peaceful corner in your home, a serene natural setting, or even an altar dedicated to honoring your lost baby. Fill this space with objects that hold meaning for you, such as candles, crystals, or photographs and allow it to be a sanctuary for self-reflection and healing. Make it personal to you and your experience. Rituals can provide a powerful means of releasing emotional trauma. Consider creating a ritual that resonates with you, such as writing a heartfelt letter to your lost baby, creating art or poetry, or performing a symbolic gesture, like releasing a flower into a body of water or a biodegradable lantern into the ether. Healing rituals grounded me in my own sacred power so much more than I ever knew possible. They allowed me to honor the spirit of my baby and I was able to release the pain of their absence - which helped me shift to gratitude for their presence and the fact that they chose us to be their parents, even if for just a moment. These acts of intention and surrender can help release stagnant emotions and invite healing energy to flow. What ritual(s) resonate with you most? Engaging in mind-body practices can facilitate the integration of healing on multiple levels. Explore practices such as meditation, breathwork, gentle yoga, dancing or deep stretching to bring harmony and balance to your mind, body, and spirit. You could even seek out the assistance and support of a Reiki Practitioner to align and balance your main body chakra system to support your healing process. Deep stretching and meditation were already part of my self-care practice, but I had no idea how beneficial they are in transcending grief until I was face-to-face with my own. Pregnancy loss is seldom referred to as trauma, especially by healthcare clinicians, but it absolutely is. Trauma, by definition, is anything that threatens one’s security. We hold the energy of every traumatic experience in our bodies and when left unresolved (meaning un- released ), it can manifest into physical disease and discomfort. For these reasons, it’s incredibly important to move your way through your grief. These practices help release stored trauma, cultivate resilience, and foster a deeper connection with your inner self. I know it feels isolating, but remember that you don’t have to navigate this healing journey alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or support groups who can offer empathy, understanding, and a safe space for sharing your experiences. Seeking guidance from a Pregnancy Loss Practitioner such as myself, a Professional Counselor or Therapist can also be immensely helpful in facilitating the healing process and providing additional tools for emotional release. Explore and nurture your spirituality as a means of finding solace and guidance. This could involve connecting deeper with God/Source, engaging in prayer and meditation, exploring alternative spiritual practices, or seeking wisdom in nature. My experience was challenging as I was rooted in my relationship with God, but I struggled to connect when the experience of my loss was so raw and acute, but connecting to others who were willing to engage in prayer with me as well as me choosing to pray for others allowed me to maintain my connection. Spirituality can bring a sense of purpose, hope, and comfort as you heal and find meaning in your journey. Healing emotional trauma after pregnancy loss is a deeply personal and transformative journey. By acknowledging the impact of the experience on your body, mind, and spirit, and engaging in healing practices with intentionality, you can release stagnant emotions, cultivate self-compassion, and find a path towards wholeness. Remember to be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this sacred process of healing, honoring your unique journey, and embracing the light that can emerge from the depths of darkness.
